Sparklefuck Ruins Christmas

by Sparklefuck

supported by
Finn Nicolas
Finn Nicolas thumbnail
Finn Nicolas A dark, funny parody of Christmas carols.
  • Streaming + Download

    Includes high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more. Paying supporters also get unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app.
    Purchasable with gift card

      name your price



Merry Christmas, Sparklefuckers!
This song was written and recorded for Maxmas V, the Madison Area Christmas Compilation.
It's about Santa!


The snow drifts and swirls
In the moon's silvery light
This perfect snowglobe world
In silence tonight
And the good boys and girls
Are huddled up tight
As they wait for the man in the sleigh.
For they know he'll be here
As Hell's jingle bells ring
His sack crammed with bundles
Of wonderful things
But they don't give a thought
To the baubles he brings
They just wonder who he'll take away

You better not pout, you better not cry
Won't help if you shout, you're still gonna die
Ring out the bells on Christmas Day
Santa is coming to take you away

Each house has its tree
Trimmed in silver and gold
Its stockings stuffed full
All the treasures they hold
And one lightless window
One room dark and cold
With one empty child-sized bed
For this bounty must come
At a horrible cost
One child from each family
To give up for lost
Swept off in the sleigh
To his kingdom of frost
To make toys until they drop dead


The children are sleeping all snug in their beds
While visions of servitude dance in their heads
On Dasher, on Dancer, on Prancer and Vixen
Away to the pole with your sled full of victims

So you children on Christmas
All shrieking with joy
Think of the lives
That we had to destroy
So you could wake up
To your boxes of toys
Let it give you a moment of pause
But be merry, you bastards
Be of good fucking cheer
Block up your chimneys
And swallow your fear
For you know that you're safe
For another short year
From the terrible clutches of Claus



released December 12, 2014
Recorded by Dan O Stoffels and Audrey Martinovich at Audio for the Arts and Danchez studios.
Mixed and mastered by Dan O Stoffels


all rights reserved



Sparklefuck Madison, Wisconsin

contact / help

Contact Sparklefuck

Streaming and
Download help

Report this track or account

If you like Sparklefuck, you may also like: